To be honest, I am starting to think that as of now, this is going to be the most difficult part of this autobiography I will write. Not because I do not know what to say, but because if anyone reads this, then this is going to be beyond controversial due to me stating so many people that are relatively well known and popular and who constantly go and deny having any involvement. Well, I am here to tell you why it is I have such a strong hatred for some five people and the hell they caused me along with something that had happened last year that nearly got me removed from school due to my mother fearing for my life.
I want you all to think back to the previous part when I mentioned a girl by the name of Keily Hudson. Well, apparently while I was off living the golden age of my Freshman year, she was off plotting some, shall we say, revenge against me due to her misunderstanding some things I had told her the previous few months prior. One thing you have to understand about people like Keily (and after quite a few interviews with different people, I am not the only one who has noticed this) is that they are what High School cliques will dub as a Troll. Basically, they like to go around on the internet and fuck people over for no reason what so ever.
I always, way before Keily, had a hatred for internet Trolls and the reason why is simple: they are obnoxious assholes that only want to get on people’s nerves and screw them over. My question is: why? What do you get out of it? Will it improve your life in the future? No. Only thing it proves is that you are afraid to show your real face and afraid to go against someone in real life and, quite frankly, that is quite pathetic on so many counts it is unrealistic.
But the first sign of this that showed me that these times would come would have to be a little talk I had with her on one of Justin’s statuses. The statuses was about this crap filled film and I made a comment saying that he should, instead, watch this film trilogy I like. Well, Keily acting like a little bitch, decided that it would be best to mess around with me to get on my last nerves. Now, the last time anyone done anything like that, Justin usually took my side and told those people to back the fuck off from me. But this time, he sided with her against me.
Now, not only did this make me beyond pissed off at him, but this also told me that something was not right. Forgetting about it due to other matters, it would be about a month later (and two weeks after I had a little chat with the infamous Austin Anderson (little bastard who decided to go and send me a death threat back in December due to Keily telling him her version of what I said)), I got a message from Keily that was her saying that Austin was abusing her, beating the shit out of her, etc.
Let me make this clear: if there is one thing I take beyond serious, it would have to be abuse against women. One thing about me is that, after reading Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy (The Dragon Tattoo Trilogy), I started to want to take a stand against men who would hate and abuse women, so I did take the message seriously. But, that is also where my first mistake came into place: I decided to confront Austin personally via Facebook instant messages.
After about an hour of fighting with him, and what I was supposedly calming Keily down, they ended up reveling that it was all a plan to mess with me. But, later on after doing some work into there plan, I have come down to the conclusion that it was all staged to make it look like I was threatening Austin. Now, this is only what I have come down to in terms of a conclusion, but I still will go down saying that it is a fifty fifty shot about if I am right or not.
After spending an hour talking to my friends, I decided that I would allow this one thing to slide. Another mistake.
The next day on Facebook, I got three friend requests: Andrew Van Dam, Camcam (Cameron) Heckler, and Legion Uhhnonuhhmiss. After seeing that the first two were Trolls that were just spamming my wall, I got rid of them, but Legion Uhhnonuhhmiss stayed quiet. Now, the previous night I ended up blocking both Keily and Austin, so when I saw on Legion’s friends that it included Justin Stokes, Andrew Van Dam, and Cameron Heckler, that was the first signal to tell me that this was a giant prank.
But that was not before this ‘Legion’ decided to speak to me.
In a nutshell, he ended up saying that he wanted to beat the shit out of Austin and do unspeakable things to Keily. Okay, if you know Austin Anderson (yeah, I was able to get one of his friends to rat him out), please tell him that the next time he decides to be a complete dumbass in order to screw me over, it would help not to include a list of people that already tried to attack me on the internet.
After about an hour of not speaking to him, he sent me the first of a few death threats that, well, did not go so clear when my mother saw them on my computer (I had to go take care of something, and she saw the message on my computer). Her initial reaction was to keep me home the next day and to call the cops on all five of the people due to them being involved with Legion Uhhnonuhhmiss. But, out of the goodness that I still had left in my heart, I told her not to.
Now, the reason was mostly due to Justin. You see, due to him helping me when I was going through my depression, I had grown some respect for Justin, and while I will admit that I lost ninety eight percent of it all due to this, I had some hope that this would be a one off thing, and that he would redeem himself.
Due to the entire hate/ death group, I started to become partly afraid of my friends. It was not that they were going to try to kill me, but it was due to me thinking that at any given moment, they would turn their backs on me. I hate it when I loose respect for people, and when I started to fear my own friends. But, after speaking to Jenna, Amanda Bernatmonti, and a few other friends (along with Mr. Tiller), I was able to get over the entire group, but I would not forgive them.
There are some things in this world you can forgive. When a dear friend fucks you over for no reason other then to satisfy the screwed up desires of a girl who wants revenge against me when she has no reason to, then it is next to impossible to forgive people.
But, another tragedy would happen that would make this entire thought of this hate group a distant memory for a while. It had to deal with Tiffany.
Now, due to Tiffany Taylor still goes to H.O.C.O., I can not go into detail as to what had happened, but her life was almost destroyed completely. I still remember talking to her for long periods of a time, trying to calm her down. It was not pretty. Even more when she thought that things were going to start getting worse for her. I know this was weird, but the more she trusted me with what was going on, the more I started to have some feelings for her. Now, this might sound odd, but me falling for Tiffany was one of the best thing to have happened to me.
Let me explain. While back in February I did end all of the hatred between me, Kyra, and Brad, there was still a dark pool of hate in my heart from what went on months earlier. But, when I felt for Tiffany, I do not know why, but it just started to destroy the hatred more and more. Plus you have the events of the hate group that took over that hatred in me, so if I had to thank both parties for anything, it would have to be for helping me get over both Brad and Kyra.
Now, while the drama and events with Tiffany were going on, something else happened that would set the stage for the next year of school: Kelsey returned.
Alrighty, now when I originally sent my letter of redemption to Kelsey, she never responded to it. It was only until after talking to Tyler did I learn and realize why. So, once I heard via word of mouth about her return, I decided to resend her another note with the hope that it would work. After speaking with her and convincing her that I was not going to hurt her, she accepted me as a friend on Facebook.
But when I saw her again, for me at least, it was kind of awkward. My guess as to why was because I still had some feelings for her when she left and those feelings never had any true closer. Overtime, we started talking again and, I will admit, things were much better then the last time we were friends. But, to my shock, I started having complete feelings for her along with Tiffany. So, that was rather awkward in that respect.
But, all of that changed over time as things between me and Tiffany started to become more and more quiet. Okay, let me explain about this. Due to the events of what had happened to her, she started to tell me just about literally everything in her life. Well, almost everything (there are a few parts she left out). Over time, my philosophy about this, is that she started to think that due to me knowing so much and that I was treating her a little bit too much like a patient of a therapist (hey, I was trying to help her alone with a few other people), she started to feel that we were becoming less of friends and more of a therapy group. Plus to add to all of that, I started doing the same problem I done with Kyra: I started over reacting to almost everything that Tiffany done and what should would do from when her tragedy first strike to them.
I do not know why I do that, become so involved with the lives of my friends that I want to constantly be kept updated over every little thing that they do. My guess is that due to me keeping so many people out, that when I allow people in my heart wants to protect them and not allow them to do any of the mistakes I have done in the past. Well, that is my guess and I am sticking with it. Only problem about this tragic flaw of mine: it is what mostly ruins my friendships with people.
As time went on with that school year, it became almost like repetition: I would go to school, hang out with my group of girls that were my friends, and life would go on with me still hating all those involved with the hate group. Mom was getting use to her having cancer and her pain, and Evan was still being Evan. So, I take it my golden age (plus being a therapist for my friends) had returned. But, I would end up meeting one person who I would of never expected to be friends with at all.
His name: Matthew Northrup.
Okay, let me make this clear: I have a zero tolerance policy for people that are annoying and who get on my last nerves. For Matt, he fit into both of those categories perfectly fine. I still do not remember when he came into the picture, but I remember that he use to bug the hell out of me about my accent and my now famous long, black leather jacket. But, I decided that I would let him by and not give him much thought, seeing as how he was not really that important to me at the time.
I had some other things going on. Like Tiffany. And my subconscious.
By this point, I had numerous friends and every single one of them had some sort of problem. Their problems ranged from being suicidal to their lives at home to even their love lives. I just, I just lost it. A year is hell on a man. A year plus all the hell that had happened, it is even worse. I wanted to yell at everyone, I just wanted to tell everyone to shut the hell up and leave me be, but I knew I couldn’t. Why? Because I love my friends too much and, one thing I learned about this entire year (and the years from seventh grade and up): in reality, my feelings do not matter. Not at all.
Now, I know that some of you say that my feelings do matter, but look at it like this: every time I allowed my feelings to matter, it always ends in pure disaster for me and the respectable parties involved. When I forsake my own feelings and emotions, nothing happens to me, but things are better for the parties involved. So, me thinking, I decided to forsake any feelings I had for any of the girls I liked and just started to force myself to not fall in love with any girl. I just could not be the cause if anything was to happen to any girl I liked and that was that. So, I decided that I would not believe in love (well, me being in love),
As the school year was coming to a complete close, it started to end kind of like this: me not having feelings for both Kelsey and Tiffany outside of being friends, me hearing that the majority of my friends (with a few exceptions) would be moving, and with one last piece of unfinished business: me, Kyra, and Brad.
Now, go back about a month. I sent both of them requests on Facebook to be friends again. They both answered, but we never talked. Only exception would be on statuses, but that would be only about it. So, on the last day of school, I decided that I was going to let loose of all of my hatred for Brad (Kyra exempted her finals) and try to talk to him. While I only spoke a few things to him, I would say that it was nice to speak to him again. As that day wore on, I will admit that it did become something of a tear jerker when I saw some of my friends for the last time (or, so I thought). There were tears, I ended up kissing any of my friends that were girls (only on the cheek. So, their boyfriends, DO NOT KILL ME!(the only one I did not kiss was Amanda Farris, and that was due to her being with Marshall Lester and, yeah. I did not want to cross that relationship at all)), and I left with something still of a hatred for Keily, Austin, Justin, and anyone related to the hate group.
So, I would say that it was eventful in a way. But, I knew that a few things would happen during the summer that would change quite a few things. One of those things was Justin.
Some time after the events of the hate group, me and Justin started talking about what went down. I got him to admit some of the facts about what went on, but I still did not trust him completely. So, what I ended up doing was having a friend of mine who no longer goes to HOCO to befriend and get some information out of Justin for me. What he ended up doing was revealing that Justin has faked our friendship the entire time. I was, well, beyond heart broken when I heard this. I mean, I knew that he sold me out to Keily (she happened to know only information that I told Justin plus some time after the hate group incident they started dating. Hmm. I am seeing a connection due to his desire to want a girlfriend.), but for months to fake our friendship that I have given him? I was BEYOND disgusted with him.
Due to people asking, this is what Justin ended up saying to a friend of mine who done some background check for me on him. Let's say I was not the most pleased:
"Hokay so
I think he's creepy and weird as fuck, to the point where it's obnoxious
Because he TRIES to be creepy and weird as fuck
i mean i would understand if he was just that way
but no
he actually tries hard to be different
and it's just so. fucking. bothersome.
Plus how he holds grudges and gets really pissed off over stupid things
and jizzes his pants over every obscure movie that nobody gives a shit about." - Justin Stokes
So, cueing Clint Marshall’s Requiem For A Dream, I ended up deleting Justin off of Facebook after I sent him a message saying that I was disgusted with him for what he has done to my trust. I am not going to sugar coat this by saying that it was easy to, but after learning what I learned from a friend of mine who wishes to be anonymous about his actions, it did make things easier.
Things like betrayal are something that sticks with me for a while. I still remember about four weeks after I learned all I did about Justin, I still wanted to extract my revenge on him for what he had done. But, again, Jenna had to talk me out of it, showing me how idiotic it would be. Now, while I was trying to end another piece of hatred, I started to notice something with Kelsey: her and her relationship status.
Now, what I started to notice was that she was in a relationship with Matt after I ended up predicting that she would be with him (seriously, how he acted around her was proof that he had feelings). But, one day, they ended up breaking up and I saw on Matt’s status that he was getting fed up with trusting people. I do not know why I did this originally, but I ended up trying to talk to Matt in order to help him because I felt that he was in pain, and I wanted to help him.
That was until I realized one thing: he had no idea who I was. He knew a person at school that wears all black and drinks obscene amounts of coffee, but that was it. Then he knew a person on Facebook named Zach who was a well civilized person. But, I did tell him that if he ever needed to talk to me, that I will be available for him to speak to me.
Some time later, he and Kelsey got back together, and during one of my talks with Kelsey, Matt got on her account and talked to me. After I mentioned the word ‘Coffee’, I remember him saying something like: Coffee? Wait! It is you! I will admit that that made me laugh that it took him that long just to realize who I was, but oh well. After that brief little talk with him on her account, him and I started talking more and more until we became friends. Sense then, I have been proud to call Matt one of my closest and most loyal of friends. It is hard to come by loyalty like the type he shows in relation to me, but he gave me enough of a reason to trust me.
Now, school would start again for tenth grade. I will say that, for the most part, things were much better then last year. Even better was when I got news that all but one of my friends would be returning. The friend that did not return was Paul. Okay, I will admit that I was heart broken when he said that he would not be coming back because, well, he was one of my closet friends. But, I understand that things would be better for where he moved to, so I would survive.
With school under way, things got a lot better due to me finally having some friends in some of my classes plus me seeing them a bit less, which is great due to that making those times mean much more then seeing them all the time. But there was one person that was suppose to move, but didn’t, that disappointed me in that first month alone: Tiffany Taylor.
The reason why is simple: there are few things I tolerate less then faking my friendship, and one of those things is disrespect. That is the crime that Tiffany is guilty of. Now, I do not want to hear any bullshit from anyone saying that she is going through a lot of problems now and does not want to get me involved or anything like that. When I have done a lot for you over the course of a year and you do not say a single word to me at all, then you have lost all respect. Even more when I see you everyday and you are aware that I am in the area.
But, she I can pass. She disappointed me and that is that. Besides, some other things would soon come up that would end up taking me by storm and that I would be called on to help with. Most of them dealing with some of my friends being caught up in a bad love trap where they have to be with each other or they would end up wanting to die and become suicidal.
Now, I am not complaining about them at all, just saying that that was what was going through my mind for the beginning of my tenth grade year. About the couple in question (Kelsey and Matt), they are happily together and I can not be more happy for them. Those two have proven to me numerous times that they love and care about each other. As of now with what I will write about them, I have high hopes that Kelsey and Matt will continue to be together.
Before I end this, there are two questions that need answering.
The first question is: why did I write this autobiography? Well, the answer is simple: A lot of people at school have the tendency to go and make up very bizzare myths about me and it was getting annoying. Plus, I will admit that I am a person who is lonely and wants to start dating again, but with someone that really knows me. After talking to quite a few people, I decided that I would follow the advice of a certain Maddie Garcia and write an autobiography explaining my life. If it was not for her suggestion to write this, I probably would not have at all.
The second question is: what ever happened to Kyra and Brad?
Okay, due to the saying of ladies first, I will touch base on Kyra. In June she left Warner Robins to move back to Colorado for reasons I can not reveal. But due to Facebook and her and I talking, I think it is safe to say that she and I are closer as friends then we were when she lived here. She is a great friend and I am left with a regret with how I acted towards her and I am still paying for that.
Now for Brad. I want to first start off by saying that I always called him Brad and due to that being the name I know him by, that is the name I refer to him as. Well, with him it took a while longer to be friends with again due to his lack of being on Facebook. But, I believe that in the future him and I will be on the same level of being friends as we were back in seventh to eighth grade. But as of now, things are smooth.
Overall with these two, while I might regret how I treated them, me hating them both is one of the best things I have ever done. If it was not for that, then none of the people I meet and had been friends with would not of happened. I still am sorry to both of the for how I treated them, but I think that time will soon even out all of what had happened. If not, then I am going to have to work my ass off to pay them back.
As I close what I will write so far of this autobiography, I want to close by saying a few words: looking back on my life, I have caused a lot of hell towards a lot of people. To those people that I have hurt along the way of my life, I apologize completely for me and my idiotic cruelty I have put on your lives. I apologize for me being annoying and uncaring, for stalking and hurting your trust. And to the idiots that have hurt me, I have nothing to say to you. But, a few things: I have nothing but content for each and every one of you. You have all attempted to ruin my life in one way or another and for that, I can never forgive you due to the hell you have caused me. The pain you have inflected on me you will soon face. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week or even next month. But, you will know how I felt when you betrayed my trust, my friendship, turned some of my friends against me, lead groups against me, or when you have broken my heart. To the rather long list of friends that I have, I can never thank you enough for being there for me as I traveled from hell and back to find myself. I can not thank you enough for putting up with me and for being loyal to me when I was corrupt and for trusting me with the darkest secrets of your lives. You all mean the world to me and I love you all forever.
- Zach Brehany.
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